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Do you ever do this?
Be hella excited that all episodes of your show 'Youth and Consequences' come out on YouTube Red on March 7th?
Well yes, obviously, thank you.
But until March 7th when you can binge all episodes of Youth and Consequences on YouTube Red,
I'm talking about when a friend discusses their problems with you.
Do you immediately say, "Oh, you know what you should do?"
I've noticed recently that I have a pattern.
I offer unsolicited advice all the time when my friends have problems.
And I know the intentions are good,
because when we see someone we care about suffering,
our impulse is to, like, help and to fix them and to give them anything that they need.
But the more that I do this, the more withdrawn my friends become.
Their eyes glaze over, they sort of nod automatically, there's this wall put up between us.
So I decided to try not giving any advice unless it was specifically asked of me.
And it made me realize just how much I wanna do that all the time,
even in really little ways.
"Have you tried yoga?"
"Ooh, I just saw a great TED talk on that, I'll send it to you."
"I had the same exact problem, let me tell you what I did."
"You know, you should really try yoga."
But I resisted the temptation to solve all of my friends' problems and instead would try to really explore their feelings
by asking them questions like:
"How does that make you feel?"
"Wow that sounds really hard. How are you handling it?"
"I totally understand why you're upset. What do you think you're gonna do?"
And something happened.
My conversations became so much more engaging and deep and fulfilling.
Instead of feeling like I had to fix everything,
I just let myself be a sounding board for whatever someone was feeling.
And really tried to explore that.
And my friendships changed dramatically.
They felt more loving, more personal, and more open.
Now, I have this one friend who's a conversational narcissist.
It's like, no matter what you say, he will bring the conversation back to himself.
And I used to harbour a lot of resentment for it, but it's you know,
it's one of those annoying quirks and flaws about a person that you love
that you just sort of put up with because you love them.
So I thought implementing this with him was going to be particularly interesting.
And I found that we would dive so deeply into his problems,
and I would let him express everything he was feeling about, every single thing that he had to say
and would just keep the spotlight on him to the point that he sort of like
ran out of stuff to say about himself, and then would turn the conversation to me.
And be fully present with me, and let me talk out my problems because
he's been sorta spent.
Now, maybe you're not like me and you're not a person who offers unsolicited advice all the time.
But let me advise you to try this out with your next conversation.
Maybe in the next couple of conversations.
See how it goes.
Be fully present, be really engaged with the person and not thinking about how you're going to respond.
I learned many a fascinating things,
and a lot of my relationships became deeper and more amazing because of it.
I'm Anna Akana, stay right here for a sponsored message.
Thank you to Audible for sponsoring today's episode.
Audiobooks are great for helping you be a better you.
Whether you want to feel healthier, get motivated, or learn something new.
I read roughly 70 books a year, and at least 10 of these are audiobooks that I listen to
while I'm driving, doing laundry or stretching.
I'm currently listening to Tiffany Haddish's The Last Black Unicorn
and I am so freakin' proud of her.
We did a comedy sketch show together back in the day.
And it's been amazing to hear about her journey and how far she's come.
With Audible, you get a credit every month, good for any audiobook regardless of price,
and unused credits roll over to the next month.
And if by chance you don't like your audiobook, you can exchange it with no questions asked.
You can go to audible.com/anna or text "anna" to 500-500
to start your free 30-day trial.
That's audible.com/anna or text "Anna" to 500-500.
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別急著給建議,讓你成為更好的朋友 (One thing that makes you a better friend)

20419 分類 收藏
Carol Chen 發佈於 2018 年 5 月 26 日   Carol Chen 翻譯   Evangeline 審核

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好友心情沮喪或遇到問題時,當然會想要伸出援手,並告訴他們要如何解決問題。但你有沒有想過,大部分的時候他們其實不需要你的幫忙?太熱心反而造成傷害?

1binge 0:10
binge 有「盡情享用」的意思,在這裡是「追劇」。但由於其本身放縱的特色,binge 常帶有負面意涵。例如,binge eating 是「暴食」、binge drinking 則是「酗酒」。除了當動詞使用之外,binge 也可以當名詞使用。
I binged an entire season of my favorite TV series during the long weekend.
這個長假我整整追了一季我最喜歡的電視劇。


*同場加映:
我們為什麼緊張? (Why Do We Get Nervous?)


2impulse 0:31
impulse 的意思是「衝動」。如果要表達某人衝動行事,可以說 act on impulse。衝動購物 (買的東西) 則是 impulse purchase。「衝動的」這個形容詞是impulsive
A shopping list prevents you from making impulse purchases.
擬定購物清單可以避免衝動購物。

It was rather impulsive of me to quit my job after a heated argument with a colleague.
我因為和同事吵架就辭職,有點太衝動了。


*同場加映:
【TED-Ed】帶你打破「強迫症」的迷思 (Debunking the myths of OCD - Natascha M. Santos)


3handling 1:14
handle 當動詞用是「處理」的意思,但如果是針對人,就是「對待、應付」的意思。
It is very tricky to handle overbearing parents when you are still financially dependent on them.
在還沒經濟獨立之前,應付管東管西的家長是很困難的。


4narcissist1:40
narcissist 是「自戀的人」的意思,字根源自希臘神話中,在水中倒影看到自己姣好面容而溺死的美少年 Narcissus。「自戀」這個形容詞則是 narcissistic
A real narcissist, that is, someone with narcissistic personality disorder, is incapable of loving and caring about others. Everything they do is solely driven by self-interest.
一個真正的自戀者,也就是患有自戀型人格的人,是沒有能力愛或關心他人的。他的所作所為全都是為了自利。


5spotlight 2:07
spotlight 是舞台上的「聚光燈」,衍生的意思是「眾人矚目的焦點」,同義詞是 center of attention
Some people enjoy the spotlight, while others are content with staying behind the scenes.
有些人喜歡成為焦點,但也有些人樂於隱身幕後。


*同場加映:
安潔莉娜裘莉「勇敢的決定」:終結乳癌 Angelina's Cancer Choice (VOA On Assignment May 24)


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文/ Rachel Kung

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