VoiceTube《看影片學英語》

如何停止討好別人?(How to Stop Being a People Pleaser)

  1. This video is sponsored by Skillshare, click the link in the description for more information.
    這部影片是由 Skillshare 所贊助,點擊說明中的連結了解更多資訊。
  2. Being someone who pleases people sounds, on the face of it, like a very good idea.
    作為一個取悅別人的人,從表面上聽起來是一個好主意。
  3. But it is a pattern of behaviour riddled with problems, as much for the perpetrator as for their audience.
    但這是一個千瘡百孔的行為模式,對肇事者和聽眾來說也是如此。
  4. The people-pleaser is someone (who might at times be oneself) who feels they have no option but to mould themselves to the expectations of others, and yet, harbors all manner of secret and at points dangerous reservations and resentments.
    「好好先生」是 (有時可能是自己) 一個覺得自己別無選擇,只能把自身塑造成別人的期望的人,然而,隱藏著各式各樣的秘密以及危險的異議和怨恨。
  5. They act like the perfect lover when their real feelings are much darker.
    當他們的真實感情更加黑暗時,他們表現得像完美的情人。
  6. They give their assent to plans they hate and they confuse everyone around them by failing to express, in due time, with the requisite courage, their authentic needs and ambitions.
    他們會同意他們討厭的計畫,他們讓周圍的每一個人都感到困惑,因為在適當的時機他們缺乏必要的勇氣、真實的需求和野心。
  7. Putting it bluntly we could say that the people pleaser is a liar.
    說穿了,我們可以說「好好先生」是個騙子。
  8. It sounds brutal, but the people-pleaser is lying for poignant reasons.
    這聽起來很過分,但「好好先生」卻為了痛苦的理由而撒謊。
  9. Not in order to gain advantage, but because they are terrified of the displeasure of others.
    不是為了得到好處,而是因為他們害怕別人的不滿。
  10. To understand and potentially sympathise with the people pleaser we need to look at their past which almost invariably involves an early experience of being around people.
    要理解和可能同情「好好先生」,我們必須看看他們的過去,這幾乎總是牽涉到周遭人們的早期體驗。
  11. Usually a mother or a father, who seemed to be radically and terrifyingly incapable of accepting and forgiving certain necessary but perhaps tricky facts about their child.
    通常是母親或父親,他們似乎極端可怕,不能接受和原諒孩子的某個必需品,但可能是棘手的事實。
  12. Perhaps our father flew into volcanic rage at any sign of disagreement.
    也許我們的父親因為任何分歧的跡象而勃然大怒。
  13. To present an opposing political idea, to suggest we wanted something different to eat, to be frank about our tiredness or anxiety, all these could threaten us with annihilation.
    提出一個相反的政治觀點,建議我們吃些不同的東西、坦率的說出我們的疲倦或焦慮,說出這些話可能會使我們被威脅至毀滅。
  14. To survive, we needed to be acutely responsive to what others expected us to do and say.
    為了生存,我們需要敏銳的響應別人期望我們做和說什麼。
  15. The very question of what we might really want became secondary to an infinitely more important priority: manically second-guessing the desires of those on whom, at that time, our lives depended.
    我們可能真正想要的這個問題成為一個無限重要的優先事項的次要:瘋狂的猜測那些人的心願,我們的生活在那時依賴這種方式。
  16. We didn't always lie out of fear; it was also often out of love for someone we were profoundly attached to but who was vulnerable in some way.
    我們並非總是出於恐懼而說謊,也常常是出於愛。對於我們深愛著的人來說,在某種程度上他們很脆弱。
  17. We lied out of a longing not to set off another marital row, a desire to keep a depressive parent in a good mood and to avoid adding a further burden to what seemed like an already very difficult or sad life.
    我們撒謊是為了不引發另一場婚姻爭執,讓抑鬱的父母保持良好心情的願望,避免給看似已經非常困難或悲傷的生活增添更多的負擔。
  18. Who were we to make things even more complicated for a fragile person we cared for?
    為了我們關心且脆弱的人,何必讓事情變得更複雜?
  19. However understandable the origins of our behaviour, in the more reflexive moments of adulthood, we might find three paths out from these difficult patterns of people-pleasing.
    然而,我們行為的起源是可以理解的,在更為自圓其說的成年時期,我們可能會從這些「好好先生」的困難模式中找到三條路徑。
  20. The first relies on reminding ourselves that our colleagues, partners and friends are almost certainly very different from the people around whom our anxieties evolved in childhood.
    首先,我們要提醒自己,我們的同事、夥伴和朋友,他們和我們焦慮的童年周圍的那些人非常不同。
  21. Most humans can cope quite well with a bit of contradiction, a dose of unwelcome information or an occasional rejection, delivered with requisite politeness.
    大多數人都能處理好一點衝突,一點不受歡迎的資訊或偶爾的拒絕要以禮貌的請求傳遞這些想法。
  22. The other is not going to explode or dissolve.
    另一個方式不會爆炸或溶解。
  23. We learned a very particular habit of relating to the world around a group of people who were not representative of humanity as a whole.
    我們學到了一個非常特殊的習慣,那就是世界各地的某一群人,誰都不能代表人類作為一個整體。
  24. Secondly, we need to acknowledge the inadvertently harmful side-effects of our behaviour.
    其次,我們需要承認我們行為中的有害副作用。
  25. We may genuinely have good intentions, but we are endangering everyone by not speaking more frankly.
    我們可能真的有好的打算但是我們因為不坦率而危及到每個人。
  26. At work, we aren't doing anyone a service by withholding our doubts and reservations.
    在工作時,我們不會壓抑疑問和保留來服務他人。
  27. And in love, there is no kindness in staying in a relationship simply because it seems the other might not survive without us.
    而在愛情,戀愛關係中沒有仁慈,僅僅因為另一個人可能沒有我們就無法生存。
  28. They will, but we will have wasted a lot of their time through our sentimentality.
    他們會繼續生活下去,但我們浪費了他們的時間因為我們的多愁善感。
  29. Finally, we can acquire the confidence to be artful about the difficult messages we have to impart.
    最後,我們可以獲得對必須傳達困難訊息的信心。
  30. As a child we couldn't nuance the messages we wanted to send out.
    作為一個孩子,我們無法分辨想要發送訊息的差別。
  31. We didn't know how to craft our raw pain and needs into convincing explanations.
    我們不知如何在給人信服的解釋中表達生疏的痛苦和需求。
  32. But now, it is open to us to be firm in our own views but extremely genial as well.
    但現在,我們對自己的看法是堅定的,但也非常和藹可親。
  33. We can say "no" while indicating that we feel a lot of goodwill; we can say someone is wrong without implying that they are an idiot.
    我們可以在說「不」的同時表示我們感覺到很多善意;我們可以說某人錯了,但不暗示他們是白癡。
  34. We can leave someone, while ensuring they realise how much a relationship meant to us.
    我們可以離開某人,同時確保他們意識到這段感情對我們的意義。
  35. We can, in other words, be pleasant without being people pleasers.
    換句話說,我們可以不當「好好先生」也能很愉快。
  36. We partnered with Skillshare today as it is a fantastic starting point for anyone also looking to learn new skills and they have given us an amazing offer to pass on to you.
    今天我們與 SkyStand 合作,這是一個奇妙的起點,對於任何想學習新技能的人而言,他們給了我們。
  37. The first 500 people to sign up using the link in the description will receive a two month free trial.
    在說明中利用連結註冊的前 500 人將會收到兩個月的免費試用期。
  38. If you haven't heard of Skillshare before it's home to thousands of classes in graphic design, animation, web development, music, photography, design and more.
    如果你沒聽過 Skillshare,這是數以千計的平面設計、動畫、網頁開發、音樂、攝影、設計等課程的家。
  39. You can start learning how to do just about anything.
    你可以開始學習如何做任何事情。
  40. In two months you could easily learn the skills you need to start a new hobby or business.
    在兩個月內,你可以很容易的學會開始新的愛好或事業所需的技能。
  41. Is there a project that you have been dreaming of completing but just aren't sure if you have the skills to do it?
    有沒有一個你一直夢想完成的項目,只是不確定你是否有能力去做?
  42. Why not start now and sign up to Skillshare using the link below?
    何不現在開始使用下面的連結注册 SkyStand?